Monthly Archives: December 2006
The AfterXmas
| December 29, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
I’m planning to get the bus back to Toronto tomorrow afternoon, so far. It would be nice to have a ride down with my brother again but not fair to expect it and I don’t even want to ask. The bus isn’t so bad. Just carrying things makes it a bit crazy. I’m going to look for an overnight bag sort of thing, something I can carry easily and stuff enough stuff into. I had one which I thought was good but it’s not working out all that well. Doesn’t help that I have Christmas presents which I brought with me and new Christmas presents which were for me and are going back with me. Only one thing is breakable so that helps.
Graham is talking about having me move again. To Newmarket this time. So much for giving up the vagabond lifestyle. Makes me sick to watch TV, especially those comedy shows where they have blue collar types who always seem to have plenty of everything, including a house to live in. I don’t think I will ever have that, any of it. Do you ever wonder why you were even born? What was the whole point of being here at all? If I had at least had a child, I would feel there was some reason for me to exist. Maybe I’m fated to write something great but won’t even know anyone valued it until long after I’m dead. I think it must be something like that. So I keep writing.
Funny that I don’t want to move when I don’t even like the basement apartment. Or the people living above it. I was getting used to the buses though. I discovered how to take a couple of routes that worked out well for things I wanted to do. I began making plans and even thought I could find some kind of office job again. Maybe another circulation clerk, this time it would all be on computers and I can do data entry.
Anyway, I don’t have money so I don’t have control of anything really. I hate writing a whiny blog post. But, this is my place to talk to myself. Even though I try not to listen too much.
I will never be all the things I want to be. There isn’t even enough time left to try for them all. I should make a list of what is still do-able and work from there. How much of it can I still do as the person I have become and with the limited resources and power I have left.
Have there been times in your life when you felt really hopeless? I’ve had so many to choose from it’s a theme in my life. I never thought I’d still be in this same theme so many years along the way. I always thought there would come a point when things would change and get better and stay that way. Just like the people on TV who always seem to manage no matter what their life is supposed to be like. Those TV shows are mean, making people think they should all have houses, cars and a vacation even though they work part time in a shopping mall. Dream on.
Festive Maiming from Rainy Pete
| December 27, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
A meme from Rainy Pete’s blog. Why not?
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate. Actually, cold chocolate, warm chocolate, spiced chocolate… I’ll take it all.
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa doesn’t wrap them, the deers kept snacking on the fancy paper and ribbons. Cost him a fortune in vet bills.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or clear? White or coloured, as long as there are a lot of them.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? No.
5. When do you put your decorations up? In theory, on or after my birthday on December 19th.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding desserts)? The vegetables with fresh butter on them: carrots, potatoes, whatever… butter makes it better. Sometimes we have fresh baked buns and bread, cabbage rolls and those are really good too.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? My Aunt Sally playing the piano at Christmas with our tree all lit up and mostly everyone there.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I don’t remember.
9. Do you open gifts on Christmas Eve? Yes! We always had a special present from Santa Claus which my Mom gave us to open on Xmas Eve. Oddly enough it was always new pajamas, took me a long time to really clue in on that one.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Lights, ornaments bought and home made and inherited, sometimes tinsel… on top is an angel which my Dad bought for our first Xmas tree a few days after I was born.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? It looks really pretty, especially when you come in from the cold and sit by a window with hot chocolate to warm up your hands.
12. Can you ice skate? I think I still could.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift as a kid? No.
14. What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Family and lots of lights and decorations.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? icebox cookies and assorted chocolates.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? The Christmas tree.
17. What tops your tree? An angel bought 42 years ago now.
18. Which do you prefer—giving or receiving? Giving by far. I don’t like shopping but I really life finding just the right thing for someone. I never make lists ahead, I just look around till something just right comes along.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? It used to be Silent Night. Not sure any more.
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? I really like them on the Xmas tree.
21. Stockings? Or no Stockings? Stockings are fun. We always fill them with oranges and other snacks to keep kids busy while the adults are still waking up and making coffee on Christmas morning.
22. Do you like sledding? Yes. But I haven’t done it for many years.
23. Farthest you’ve traveled for Christmas day? From Toronto to Vancouver. Just for myself, alone.
24. Do you leave out cookies or carrots for when Santa comes? My sister did this year. I don’t have any kids.
25. What gets you into the holiday spirit? I’ll let you know if I get there again. It’s been a lot of years since I really felt excited about Christmas.
26. Does your wrapping colour coordinate? Never.
27. Favourite gift you’ve ever given? I have no idea.
28. Most fun holiday memory? Sitting under the Xmas tree with my Mom when we still lived in the house I grew up in. I remember we were the last two people awake. Around that time she had begun talking to me more like a friend than a kid and it was really great having conversations with my Mom about important/ real things.
29. Do you wrap your own gifts? Of course. But I don’t really wrap them anymore. The odd time I use those Xmas bags cause they can be carted around easily and don’t require tape and other extras.
Xmassed Out Yet?
| December 27, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
Today we have snow. After a green Xmas and a green Boxing Day yesterday, we are having snow today… all day ( so far). It’s becoming a winter wonderland, just a bit late for the traditional time for whiteness.
Zack and I were out this morning to the second-hand bookstore and then walked to the Tim Horton’s near his house. Pretty good walk, I thought about just calling for a cab from the bookstore but decided to push myself and enjoy that walk in the snow. It’s even noticeably colder than it has been in awhile. We have been having a Florida Xmas until now.
I’m kind of glad the snow is here, even though I will be waiting for buses in the city. Having such a mild winter has been just a bit too freakish. It felt wrong and I wondered if all the snow and ice was going to descend suddenly right at the end, several blizzards in a row. That wouldn’t be very pleasant.
The photo above came from a site listing background images. I found it through Google’s image search. Another nice one was the Fall road one here.
Christmas Day… I’m Remembering
| December 25, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
For me, as a Witch, most holidays are about nature, traditions and remembering. It’s a little after midnight, now the day of Christmas. I’m remembering my family who are dead and thus unavailable to be here for the holidays. At least not in the flesh, capable of enjoying the wine, exchanging presents and all of those physical/ commerical type things.
Here is my list of names:
Alice McRoberts
Emma Garner
Birdie Scherle
Edith Brown
Alec Brown
Sally Harle
Violet Scherle
William Scherle
Ian Noel Brown
The baby who was never born
and the other relatives I didn’t really have enough time to get to know.
I used to write letters to penpals from around the world and my older family members too. I don’t do that any longer, there is no one left to write to. My Dad was the last one to die from that list.
So, I would like people who are in the midst of petty, trivial and silly family squabbles today or over this past week, to get over it. Realize you are making mole hills into mountains and to anyone watching from your version of an afterlife, you look like you are wasting time and being childish.
We only have so much time. You can’t buy more, you can’t reset the switch and go back to start again. Once the time is gone, it’s gone forever. Don’t waste the time you have with the people you care about, including yourself. Don’t let yourelf be small and petty. Get a life, your own life and enjoy the season for what it is, traditions, a celebration of life and the last few days of the old year.
Spare a few moments for the empty spaces at your Christmas dinner table, the people who are not there. Go with the Irish custom and set a place for each of them, at the big table or give them a table of their own on the side.
Seasons Greetings
Santa Has Been Here
| December 25, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
The kids are in bed, even the big kid who no longer believes in Santa Claus. He decided to sleep on the couch watching a Christmas movie. The Santa presents are under the tree. The parents are just about heading up to bed. I’m washing clothes and checking email. We cleaned up from the Xmas dinner and soup is being boiled from the turkey bones. The remaining wine is corked and in the fridge. The remaining cookies are on the counter for those who can still nibble.
How is that for 11:31 on Christmas Eve?
Alone… but for the Sleeping Baby
| December 24, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
Everyone else went out. Which is funny cause I really wanted to get out but ended up being the only one left here. Emma Jeanne is sleeping so someone had to stay with her.
I’m so tired I have been falling asleep each time I sit down for a few minutes. I don’t think it’s a great idea to fall asleep while babysitting. So I’m trying to stay awake.
That’s all I really can say about the day before Christmas at this time. Not all that much. Zack and I played a PS2 game most of the morning. Zack doesn’t understand why he has to keep nudging me awake.
I’m not sure about going back to the Beaches tonight. I don’t like leaving Zack with no one around over the holidays. Seems kind of a let down to have tree and lights and the family dinner (tonight, one night early) and then on Christmas day itself there will be no one here and he will sit by himself playing games as if it were any other day of the year. So I may stay longer, just long enough so that other boys from his school will be available to goof around with. Likely after Boxing Day the family gatherings will wind down and the parents will be glad to have the kids sent out to some other house.
Merry Prequel to You
| December 24, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
Yesterday I made icebox cookies with Sherry at her new house in Pickering. The house made me feel jealous, not something I experience very often. I’m usually just glad for others and don’t apply it to myself very much. But, I was looking around her place, so pretty and all her own. I did feel a bit sad that I’m older than she is and have done the married thing and yet I have nothing to really come home to. Just upstairs people who I really would be glad to never have to deal with again. I’m not whining. Things are how they are and I made my choices.
Cookie baking was fun. Sherry was really happy to be baking, a real old fashioned Xmas kind of thing. I’m surprised she had never done that with her own Mother/ family before. It was pretty standard for us, even Graham make cookies when we were kids. He still likes to cook but not sweet stuff. Even if spaghetti is his favourite he can make other things if he chooses too.
Tonight I am back at Sarah’s house. I think I am going back to the Beaches tomorrow. I will feel sad/ bad to leave Zack but it is nice to be in your own place even if you don’t like it and have to bitch to get your key back. I’m really tired too. I haven’t slept most nights more than a couple of hours. I thought I would love being at Sherry’s to have a real bed (the mattress was perfect too) but of course I had to get my damned period and I couldn’t sleep for hours with that and thinking that I’d get muck on her perfectly crisp, spotless white sheets. I didn’t. But I would have been mortified if I had. She is one of those people who just have everything so perfect, right out of the pages of Home and Garden magazine.
An Optical Allusion
| December 22, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
I was trying to clean my glasses, that clear plastic nose piece that always seems to get blue grunge in it. Usually I get it out with soap and water and a lot of swishing around. But, one side has been lose for awhile so I thought I would just pull it right out and give it a better cleaning. I did wonder about getting it back in but the mad scientist part of my brain assured me I could, of course. But, I can’t. So now my glasses are cleaner but sitting kind of lopsided on my face. Being this close to Xmas my brother thinks some stores will be closing early. I’m pretty sure he is wrong. I worked in a store afterall and I especially remember the shifts which went on and on and on until 11:00 at night that last week of Xmas shopping. But, it may be that the places dealing in glasses will be closed early. Sherry and Graham think so anyway. So I’m having an optical allusion today, I did it to myself too so that’s one good thing about it. I remember another Xmas where my glasses were broken by someone else and I had everyone giving me their opinions about how they were unfixable and I’d never find someone available to fix them and it would cost a fortune… I did get them fixed, free, that time too.
Crochet Roses
| December 22, 2006 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
Crochet Roses pattern from Lion Brand
ROSETTECh 17 (35, 53).
Row 1 Dc in 5th ch from hook, *ch 1, skip 1, (dc-ch-dc) in next ch – V-stitch made; repeat from * across; – 6 (16, 25) V-stitches made. Turn.
Row 2 Ch 3 – counts as dc, 5 dc first in ch-space, *sc in next ch-1 space, 6 dc in next ch-1 space – shell st made; repeat from *, ending 6 dc in last ch-1 space – 6 (16, 25) shells. Fasten off, leaving long tail for anchoring Rosette.
FINISHING
Thread needle with tail and weave to base of last st. Starting at that end, roll first shell tightly to form center bud; anchor at base of shell with 2 sts. Roll remaining strip to form Rosette, then secure by stitching in and out through layers of foundation ch at bottom of Rosette. If you want to make your Rosette a pin or barrette, sew or glue pin back or barrette back to back of Rosette.
OPTIONAL VARIATION
2-COLOR ROSETTE
At end of Row 2, work last dc of last shell until 2 loops remain on hook, drop main color, finish st with new color, ch 1, turn.
Row 3 Sc in each st across. Fasten off.
FLOWER
Ch 4, join with sl st to form a ring.
Rnd 1 Ch 5, *sc in ring, ch 3, rep from * 6 times. Join with sl st to 2nd ch of beg ch. Place marker for beg of rnd. Slip marker each rnd.
Rnd 2 *[Sc, hdc, 3 dc, hdc, sc] in next ch-3 sp, rep from * 6 times. Join with sl st to beg sc.
Rnd 3 Sc through back of sc of Rnd 2, ch 6, * sk next sc, sc through back of next sc of Rnd 2, ch 6, rep from * 5 times. Join with sl st to beg sc.
Rnd 4 *[Sc, hdc, 5 dc, hdc, sc] in next ch-6 sp, rep from * 6 times. Join with sl st to beg sc.
Rnd 5 Sc through back of sc of Rnd 4, ch 6, * sk next sc, sc through back of next sc of Rnd 4, ch 6, rep from * 5 times. Join with sl st to beg sc.
Rnd 6 Rep Rnd 4. Fasten off.FINISHING
Weave in ends.
