Monthly Archives: December 2005
Tombstone
| December 31, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
In honour of the time of year I went ahead and created my own tombstone. Though I want mine more gothic looking and less rigid and traditional. Probably white stone, to reflect my purity, goodness and light. I’d like some flowers, better yet, a flowering bush stuck on top of me. Put a fire hydrant a few graves over so no damn dogs will pee on me. 
Merry Meet 2005
| December 31, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
Only hours left for 2005, soon it will just be recalled in memory. Each year only gets a year and then it’s gone forever, never to be seen again. Like the life of a bug, short and soon pushed aside. I think about the year about to leave us. There is no rush to shove it aside, as if I’m in a hurry to be rid of it. I appreciate that it was here, that we had this year, all of us. I feel just a bit sad to see it end.
Each day is like that. You wake up in the morning and the new day has already begun, waiting for you, knowing it only has 24 hours to live. What did you wear that day, anything different or did you not bother to care? Did you start the day fresh, teeth brushed, ready to smile and greet the day?
In the middle of the day, around noon, did you feel how the day had become middle aged? Not quite so fresh and perky now, maybe just a touch down knowing it’s time is half gone.
In the evening I think the day gets a second wind, knowing time is precious and each moment counts. Then, the final moments, when the day is feeling kind of tired and wishing it had more time. But, no one gets more time, each day, each year comes but once and only gets a set amount of time.
Are you appreciating time this weekend? Not the fleetingness of time but the fact that it exists. Here we are. We were one of the very few born out of billions of possibilities between humans. We were born as humans, not an insect, not another mammal but human, able to make decisions and choices about our time. Here you are, in this year, in this speck of time, part of the chain of life. Stretching so far behind and ahead of you, the chain is eternal, endless, seeming to have no beginning and no end.
Here we are, at the end of 2005, a year that will never be again. But here we are.
Quizilla: Sexual Appeal
| December 30, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
What is your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla
I’ve been reviewing sites for Dmoz today and came across this quiz. I’m a sucker for feedback, of almost any kind.
Why don’t men give more feedback after sex, before too really. My ex would ask what I liked sometimes. But, he would pick a time during sex, when I was not ready to answer anything like that. After, the next day, while driving in the car to visit his Mother. That would have been a much better time for me to come up with an answer. Not when I’m naked and feeling vulnerable. I usually came up with something and yet the mood was shot for me at that point.
Can you talk about sex, during sex? Or do you prefer to be clothed and self composed when discussing how you like it?
BBQ Humour
| December 30, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
A man and his wife are doing yard work. Husband says to wife, “Your butt is as wide as the grill.” She ignores the remark.
A little later the husband takes his measuring tape and goes over to his wife while she is bending over working in a flower bed. He measures her rear end and gasps, “Geez, it IS as wide as the grill!”
Later that night while in bed her husband starts to feel frisky. She calmly responds, “If you think I’m gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you ARE mistaken.”
2006: My New Year’s Resolutions (Limited Edition)
| December 30, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
I haven’t made a New Year’s Resolution since I caved under co-worker pressure when I was 16 and working full time supporting an apartment of my own. I had quit high school and moved out, shared an apartment with an older woman (older than me which wasn’t saying much at the time). The women where I worked (the even older ones, those who I think were kind of nasty to me when I see it from the perspective of an older woman) pressured me into making New Year’s Resolutions.
It had never been a big deal with my family. We had our First Footing thing where the person with dark hair was the first caller of the New Year and had a drink with everyone, being welcomed into the home. Since I was the only dark haired kid in the family I got to be the First Footer most years.
Anyway, I don’t remember what resolutions I made that year. I just know I broke them all within the month and I felt really bad. I almost never break my promises, to anyone. I no longer let myself give them away so easily either. Age brings wisdom as well as grey hairs, whiskers and well, that’s enough information.
So for 2006 I will make the following resolutions, for no good reason, with no real promise to fulfill any one of them.
1). I will buy a better pair of tweezers for those really aggravating chin whiskers. I can feel one, freshly grown. Why is it you can really only see them while looking in the car mirror. I don’t know how many times I’ve pretended not to notice someone catching me plucking my chinny chin chin. Twice I pretended to pick my nose just to add to the show.
2). I will make more ASCII art, pixel art and make use of the digital camera. Things I wanted to do anyway, so there. I did take the digital camera out for a spin today. I took pictures of the row of snow covered pine trees in the backyard. But I think the battery has a problem cause the camera kept trying to shut itself down before I could click to take the picture.
3). I will date a pirate of some kind. Any guy wearing an eyepatch will do. I’ve always had a thing for eye patches, they look so dangerous and mysterious. I don’t go in for the whole ‘bad boy’ thing, just the illusion and the eye patch of course.
4). I will create a web comic. I made a sketch today, I just have to learn to draw now and I’ll be all set.
5). I will finish learning CSS. I’m reading Web Design Garage and have gone past the point of no return. (That’s so much more interesting than saying I’m more than halfway through the book).
6). I will conquor the blasted sewing machine. I will also re-remember how to crochet granny squares.
7). I will take a completely pointless and unplanned road trip. Probably to the Kincardine area again. I found the perfect beach in the middle of nowhere. All pebbly and those sparse looking beach trees and water, lots of clear water you can walk into without stepping on too many shells. I will have a cottage cheese picnic there again and build my sandcastle, again.
8). I will accomplish more of the things I want to do.
9). There is nothing else, just checking to see who fell asleep.
Note: You’ll be delighted (no doubt) to know I pulled out that whisker with my fingers just now. Doesn’t it seem odd that men lose hair while women gain it? I’m sure it’s part of some devious plot.
The $100 Update
| December 29, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
For those who thought I was headed for a life of lying on my back looking at my toes wiggling in the air… no, not quite.
For those who thought this was a one night stand. No, I think even for a one night stand there is some initial personal regard.
For those who thought it was a good way to pay off the credit card… Yes, it would have been. But, I’m a girl. The double standard is alive and well. I am not saying anyone is wrong, not even myself. But, it is different for a woman to take money for sexual acts.
Men would be congratulated, told what a great money making scheme that was and how the heck did they ever find a woman that desperate. Women would be treated differently. Women would be thought of as cheap, dirty and etc. It’s not fair, it’s not reasonable but it’s reality.
In the end, the real reason I did not arrange an hour of boob feeling up for bucks was because it’s not what I really want.
I miss sex, I miss a warm male body beside me but most of all I miss having someone I care about enough to want sex with. To share that closeness and passion and comfort. I honestly don’t think I will find someone again. I just don’t fit into any acceptable moulds of what men want. Yes, I have great tits and ass but they come with a body that isn’t thin or primped or shaved all over. I’m too human for men. Which is so weird to see typed out let alone to type it myself.
I was on some kid’s (kid being a guy under 30) where he wrote a very lengthy survey about “Are you the Perfect Woman”. I’m very imperfect when it comes to having the right look. Yet, that was all he was looking for. Ironic, he wants a Barbie, a woman made of plastic, hollow inside. That would be all he’d want. No need for a brain, no need for a real body or a heart, spirit or mind of any kind. What matters is the outside.
I could change and become the perfect woman, I have the tits and ass. If I worked on it I could lose enough weight to be a smaller size. I could wear make up, high heels and so on. The problem is that I’m not hollow inside. I will not change that.
So… bite me. I’ll be an old, lonely Aunt. But, I will be me.
Bite me. Those guys who want a hollow woman will likely be old lonely Uncles too. The supply of hollow women is limited to Barbie dolls and blow up sex dolls. Go to town boys.
It’s 3:00 Do You Know Where You Are?
| December 28, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
One good thing about working at an outside job is that it helps you keep track of the days. Having typed that I am now remembering how it’s not really true. I seldom knew what day it was, just what shift I was working. I never knew when it was a weekend cause I worked every day, weekends ceased to exist. Still, there was some day to day structure. Now that I’m working from home I can spend a day reading email, blogging and whatever else only to realize that the whole day has gone by and I’ve really accomplished nothing. Amazingly nothing for all the time put into it.
So, along with some self renovations, I am going to begin scheduling myself. I’m calling it a Bill of Work. Each day will have it’s work to be done, before I even begin on the email section. Email is a vast suckage of time, you go into check your email and come out several hours later, wondering how you lost so much time from your day.
Today I was pretty good. I got up when my alarm went off at 6:00am. I got up, made a hot chocolate cause I’m out of coffee cream. I began by looking at the things I should be doing, then made the mistake of starting with email and the Neopets Advent Calendar. Next thing I knew it was a bit after 7:00 and my brain was letting me know 6:00 is too early as a start time. So, I went back to bed, I reset the alarm to go off at 8:00. (When you’re working from home you get to go back to bed, sometimes). I got up, it was cold so I stayed in bed and found the warm spot again. I drifted back to sleep, woke up, got cold, slept again… I finally got up and looked at the clock only to realize I was going to be late for my 10:00 appointment if I didn’t get moving. I was late but it turned out ok as she hadn’t checked her email and wasn’t expecting me anyway.
After that I went to Zellers, used the store credit card for breakfast and coffee cream. Then I went to read awhile at Tim Hortons. I really needed to get out, I’ve been housebound the last few days. I came back here in time to watch the soap opera awhile, while making fresh coffee with the newly bought coffee cream. Then, I brought down my doodle pad and pen. I made notes while watching the soaps and I drew a sketch for a new web banner and a new front page layout. So I didn’t just sit there and vegetate while watching TV. I wasn’t all bad.
Now, here I am. Still cold though I did flip the furnace off auto so it will actually humour me and pretend to heat the house. I’m going to work on the book proposal, once I finish the blog stuff. I really will. Just cause it’s after 3:00PM now doesn’t mean the day is shot. I can work long into the night. I’ve always liked working in the evening, watching the snow fall past my window, listening to the radio get static and die… why does that one local station always do that?
Anyway, here I am. I know what day it is and I’m really going to work now.
I am a Deviant Artist
| December 27, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
I joined up at DeviantArt. Looking around the site before now I thought I was way out of my element there. But, they do have some writing sections and, better still, an ASCII art gallery/ section.
I’m going to post some of my ASCII which I’ve made into image files and see what (if any) feedback I get. I have tons of ASCII art, my own and even more which I have collected from other artists. I’d like to get back to creating new projects in ASCII. Hopefully before I forget all the little tricks. 
I just found a section geared to web interfaces, including WordPress themes.
I want to get that digital camera started too. I can’t believe it’s been about a year since I bought it and I haven’t really used it once, yet.
$100 An Hour
| December 27, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
How far would you go for $100 an hour? Would you sell yourself for an hour? Would you commit a crime? Would you… ?
Would you let a man fondle and play with your breasts in exchange for money? Assuming you are female and have breasts.
What do you think about a guy who would pay for that, $100 an hour.
What do you think about a woman who would consent to that.
I have no answers, just the possibility of $100 an hour.
I think my brother would be really upset, should he ever find out. I think my Mother wouldn’t be crazy about it, but she might understand.
Am I a total sleazebag? I’ve been a nice girl all my life. I never slept around before, during or after my marriage. What does it matter? I’m 41 now, no shy, blushing virgin.
Sometimes men, with their need for a fuck (not sex and certainly not making love) make me sick. I hate them in ways. Reading the Craiglist posts for the Toronto list, all the personals from men are geared to sex. Even the few that mention more have to add sex or the emphasis on the way she looks rather than the person she is. In reality do they really want more than a blow up doll, I think not.
So, when I need money and I really don’t expect I will find another man to have around in my life, why not get $100 an hour? If I can stand to be touched, if I can reserve everything in my mind and just be a blow up doll, why not do it?
The only problem I can see is just being too grossed out to follow through with it. I am about as virginal as 41 years old woman is likely to be. Maybe I’m a bit prudish just from a lack of experience, having only had sex with the man I was married to. One boyfriend after the divorce but no sex. My life is too crazy to be real.
Christmas Has Left the Building
| December 25, 2005 | Posted by thatgrrl under Uncategorized |
At what hour is Christmas over? I have no idea. It’s over for me. Kind of that deflated feeling, not quite as strong as getting out of bed in the morning and realizing the world has ended, civilization is gone and you’re the last one left. (It’s a fetish of mine, someday I’d like to test it out).
My nephew slept for about two hours last night, maybe. There were a bunch of adults yapping downstairs, a few drinks, a lot of really dumb stories exchanged and remembered. Isin’t it weird to be the adults? I still think about that. Kind of “wow, how did I get here?” My brother and sisters (4 of us) outnumbered the dates and inlaws so most of the stories were ours. I’ve been the inlaw before though, sort of stuck in the middle of someone else’s stories and traditions. Actually, it was nice not to be the odd one out for a short time.
I think we were a bit loud for Zack. He says he did fall asleep for awhile then. But, he came downstairs twice to check on the progress of Santa. I had told him about the Norad website and Santa was on his mind. It’s just this year (at the age of 10) that he is beginning to consider that Santa might not be real, he isn’t sure though, so he kept checking the web for the radar progress. Last time he asked me if Santa was real (when he was seven) I told him I believed in Christmas spirit and Santa was part of that. So he was good to go for awhile. This year his friends at school must be wearing off on him a bit more. Ten is old enough to shrug off Santa, but I hope he keeps something of it, the merry feeling and the faith.
In the morning the little girl, Roxanne, woke everyone up, not too early. I remember being up at 4:00 when we were kids, they had a late start getting up at 7:00, kids today!
Everyone is tired today, even Zack admitted he’s tired. I drove home in the afternoon and was beginning to fall asleep at the wheel along the way. No coffee stops open though I did find a gas station that didn’t require plastic only. I might have managed on fumes but I hate driving and worrying about the gas tank, there are enough other things to worry about with the car. Today it did pretty good, the weather was very wet, foggy and mild. A colder day would have been tougher. Last winter my brakes kept freezing. There’s nothing like driving a long and realizing that odd light on the dash is talking about your brakes and the fact that you might not have any. lol Brakes are such a nice feature on a car, I’ll be sure to request them on any future car I buy.
So, now I’m here. Christmas is done and it feels kind of deflated. But, tomorrow is Boxing Day. I’m thinking like Scarlet O’Hara, though I’m not going anywhere near a store till next week. I had my chocolate fix on Christmas Eve and again this morning. I also had my bacon and eggs fix too. Why does bacon smell so divine while cooking but never that great to actually eat?
It’s a bit silly but I’m a bit disappointed with my family about Christmas, it’s the same each year for uncountable years. But, I brought down something for almost everyone. I skipped my brother as I made the apron for his girlfriend (on top of what I already had for her). Anyway, out of the six people there, only Graham’s girlfriend gave me anything for Christmas. It’s kind of petty and I shouldn’t care but I do, a little. It’s not the reason why I give out presents myself.
If that were the case I’d long ago have stopped. They haven’t done a gift exchange since we were kids and even then they were not really interested in giving, more in getting. Still, I keep giving out presents cause it’s who I am and I enjoy having something special for everyone. It matters enough to me to keep doing it even though I feel kind of left out when I get nothing in return. I think they just don’t care. Only Sherry really seemed to enjoy the apron and coffee set I gave her. My sisters said thanks and put their gift aside, out of the way. Anyway, that’s why I never go out and rob the bank to pay for Christmas, there isn’t any point. I give gifts for my enjoyment, I don’t worry about meeting expectations of dollars spent or getting the perfect gift. I do it for me and likely I will keep doing it just the same, always till I’m dried up and gone.
